I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm passing your future prison.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
