need another drink. this is the easiest way
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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