Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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