hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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