So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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