I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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