I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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