he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
