Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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