my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
