also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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