So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
