I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
