i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
