it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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