If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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