lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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