I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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