Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
