Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
