Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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