I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
