just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
