And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
