Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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