I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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