I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
