I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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