it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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