Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
did you just send me my own nude
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
