areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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