Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
