you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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