it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
