make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
