HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
