I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
