anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
