You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
