My balls are so social today.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
