They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
