I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Its about making memories worth repressing
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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