I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
