she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
