You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
