is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
