apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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