I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
