This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
