what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
