I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
