This house was built for laser tag.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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