dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
